As the main reason why I got Nokia N950 is that I promised to write some applications for that, I started to look deeply at available options how to write them. Unfortunately there are too many options and all documentation I've found is pretty confusing.
The short story is that you should use Qt for user interface. However it is not that easy as it looks, you can use regular Qt, which can be run on the phone, but looks ugly in the end (maybe I did something wrong, but it did look completely different to anything else running in the phone). You can use Qt Quick, which is easy to write (simple UI definition and JavaScript variant for code), but it does not seem to support much of the widgets. And then there is Meego Touch library, which seems like a best option, however not mentioned at all on Nokia developer website.
Looks like I need to learn few more things before actually starting to code.
As a future N8 owner, I hope that every future N950 and N9 developers consider developing mostly with Qt, and create code as compatible as possible with the Symbian-based "poor cousins". Of course, if you have some application that needs something other than Qt, go ahead. But Qt is very emphatically suggested.
Now regarding "plain" Qt versus Qt Quick, using QML stuff etc, I am not exactly experienced, but I have no idea why you might have got a bad result from using "straight" Qt. Your confusion seems to be arising from an unexpected result that is in fact a bug or error.
QML should help you a lot to create basic interfaces, and help you to work with UI designers that are not willing to handle C code... But if you need non-supported widgets, well, do what you got to do, there is no confusion here again. You shouldn't _need_ Qt Quick to create acceptable good looking applications.
I feel it's like Glade. You are saying you didn't manage to make a pure gtkmm application, you were forced to use Glade. That's not a confusion between alternatives, there is just something that is not working there...